MY POEM. MORMONISM
What would inspire a mother of my age,
To move on from a religion that’s felt like a cage?
It’s difficult even now for me to explain,
Because there are so many of you that to me are like summer rain.
Raindrops of goodness that surround me so sweet,
Family friends and loved ones who just can’t be beat.
So I come from a place of not bitterness or lack,
I come from a place of every color, but black.
What I know is that life is meant to be lived,
To feel, to touch and to experience bliss.
To live each day out loud and be bold,
To do as you please, not do as your told.
My youth is filled with blissful memories,
Of sisters, chewing gum, pool parties and exploring through trees.
Being born as a Mormon never struck me as crazy,
It was just what you did I was never was lazy.
I always went above and beyond,
Ask everyone first then make the decision.
That way my life will surely be great,
If I just listen to others, they’ll know my fate.
My soul was lost and I gave into the scrimmage,
Of finding a man who fit the Mormon image.
I felt sad and alone yet onward I went,
Stuffing her deep down into the basement.
Now let me point out here the most important key,
That many of us are paying way too high a fee.
Of living lives that we don’t really desire,
We are scared, we are hidden and we have lost our inner fire.
See I believe the day we were born,
We made a sacred oath to never be torn.
Away from our purpose, our greatest alliance,
Yet most of us cover with concrete defiance.
And how does the existence of my Mormon Religion,
Cause me inner turmoil and create great division?
Between what I know in my head and feel in my heart,
Living this way just didn’t seem smart.
This was not a good combo my identify I lost,
Until I met someone who showed me the cost.
The cost of not living life today and this moment,
It did not take me long to say everyone UH screw it.
I shook off the shell I had allowed over me,
And wouldn’t you know it I began to feel free.
The beautiful thing about life is just this,
As soon as we awaken the world gives us bliss.
And in this place I met the love of my life,
who deepened my search and I became his wife.
See my decision to marry a man who had not,
Served a mission and “done things”, well this had me caught.
But not really you see because I’d done them too,
I discovered I really didn’t know what to do.
At this time, I was faced with one simple question,
Could I live without him in my possession?
I could not, I would not, live without this man.
Who loved me for me,
And who was by biggest fan.
As much as I would like to say,
We let go of the church and walked our own way.
The roots of being born in the church,
Intertwined inside me and I could not search.
Too far outside the way it was done,
To say it simply, I had had my fun.
I could not and would however walk away,
From something inside of me that begged me to stay.
The catch for me was my family and sealing’s,
I did not want to hurt my mom and dad’s feelings.
How could 1 sister do not as the others,
How can 1 woman say no to the brothers.
I digress and am ok with my journey,
There is no need to bring in a stretcher or gurney.
I am married to a man I still crave more than life,
My 3 children fill me with energy, peace and delight.
We have always done what has seemingly worked for us,
Take the good, leave the bad, there’s no need to really fuss.
Until the past few years when it’s just been too much,
Energy wasted on principles taught that seem so out of touch.
Out of touch with what I value most,
Not look what I do and see what I post.
If you know me for me, and I know you for you,
Then we all can align in some greater glue.
A glue that binds us beyond religion or race,
A bind that encourages light and realizes there is space.
Space to live how we choose and feel is right,
For life’s not about the Choose the Right fight.
So when my husband came to me,
With determined compassion for me to see.
That we have a choice right here and right now,
To live our life with that, which only we allow.
I care about this man more than you know,
So his journey is mine and I was ready to go.
Admittedly many of the church’s history dealings,
Surprise me, confound me and raise all sorts of feelings.
I could see this was a new chapter for us,
And my heart is open and able to allow without fuss .
Letting go of a paradigm that does not serve us best,
Is the biggest blessing and that I can attest.
Religion does not define your or I.
We are all creators of our own design.
To choose a heart full of gratitude,
For only I have control over my attitude.
For eyes to see, a brain to use,
God gave me those to use and choose.
My journey is one I can honestly say,
Has been filled with up’s and down’s in every way.
I never have preached perfection-ism,
Cant’ those that are caught up in this see it’s a prison?
Break out and be free and live life as you choose!
Staying in chains friends, you will only loose.
Whatever the chains of your life maybe,
You have the choice to set yourself free.
One day your husband may come to you
Who knows, it may be your gay son too!
You’ll never know all that life can be,
When you focus on eternity and fail to see.
That this day and this moment, right here and now,
Is what’s most important, even above your temple vow.
My plea is for women to realize,
To you they all look because you are wise.
You are the most powerful instrument,
Look at your life, it’s your own testament.
Nothing, no nothing can compensate,
For your choice to simply follow the straight.
For the path that leads to so called “eternal life”,
Is riddled with guilt, and cuts like a knife.
Only you can know of you and your family’s invaluable worth,
So do what you must to keep your family together here on earth.